A Hard Pill to Swallow

The Old Goat has been fairly healthy most his life, which is how one becomes an old goat. Probably a good guideline for staying healthy is don't walk in front of buses and stay clear of doctors as much as possible. I've managed to avoid speeding buses, but into doctor's hands I have occasionally fell.


"The Doctor says your cholesterol is also very elevated. She is prescribing..."


"Forget the cholesterol prescription."


And capsulated there is what modern doctors have become, Pashas of Pharmaceuticals, glorified pill-pushers. Once doctors wanted to cure you, now they want to shove as many pills down your throat as possible.

"One pill makes you larger

And one pill makes you small"

So you ask, what's your problem? If you are feeling groovy why are you bothering with doctors anyway?

I haven't a choice. And it all begins with another type of Pasha, the winged kind that gave name to a certain gland.


Fifteen years ago, when I was still something of a Billy, I walked out of my office, did a semi-circle and walked into the wall. That was a bit odd as well as embarrassing. If I was a secret imbiber it may have made sense, but I was pretty much a sober-sider. I don't know what I chalked it off as, especially since my walking a straight line was becoming a bit of daily challenge, but nonetheless I ignored this ignoble happening.


The muscle cramps were a bit more insistent in demanding my attention. Everybody has probably suffered a muscle cramp now and again during their life. If you haven't, then don't worry, be happy and count your blessings. Cramps hurt. Usually they would hit the leg somewhere when it was chilly. You would be laying comfortably in bed, for instance, stretch out a foot, wiggle a toe and zap, something would freeze up and send lightening through your body.


Those occasional foot or leg clamps were bad enough, but now I was getting such things all over my body. You get a muscle cramp across your chest and you think you're going to die. I'd make a slight move and suddenly something was stabbing me and wouldn't bend. I was even getting face cramps.

Still this didn't drive me to the medics. Maybe I just wasn't drinking enough water. Maybe I was just tired. It was summer, maybe it was the heat (although in the past I usually got any cramps in cold weather). Oh well, it'll probably go away on its own.


And then came the screening and the netting of the butterfly, and the reason why I can no longer avoid pill-pushing doctors.