Those Expensive Roads; Those Dirty-Minded Grease Monkeys

      Those back roads home from Ronald Tipton’s new home were not my friends. A couple weeks after the day I was lost in the fog I dropped my transmission all over one of them. Yes, it was my own stupid fault.


      I was deep into farm country, something that actually still existed around Chester County in the 1950s. I stopped on a long straight patch of totally empty as far as the eye could see macadam and decided to drag down its length for speed. I wanted to

see how high I could push the RPMs between shifts. (Remember, my Ford was standard transmission, so it was clutch-shift-clutch-shift-clutch-shift.)  I guess I pushed the tach up a bit too hard and I heard this tinkle and rattle like metal on the road surface. My car suddenly didn’t want to go and I drifted over to the side out in nowhere. 

     I had to walk a couple miles to even fine a farmhouse where I could call for help (No cell phone in those days either). Dad was home and he came towed me.

      He wasn’t happy.

      He did get the car fixed for me. For all our differences and my feelings toward my dad growing up I have to admit he was forgiving and generous about my expensive driving habits. 


 

   I soon gave him another opportunity to be a forgiving and generous father. As I said, we would drive the High Street strip back and forth in Pottstown dragging anyone willing to take us on at the lights. Sometimes we drove Route 422 all the way to reading picking races with other cars. The “we” I refer to is Richard and I, but one night I was cruising alone and after racing some others out to Reading, I took on another guy coming back. We ran close all the way to Pottstown. I don’t know who won, probably no one. We split off separate ways when we hit the town limits. 


     Somewhere along the way I suddenly decided my Ford was sounding extra cool. It developed this deep throaty rumble almost as if I had duel glass pack mufflers. Hey, man, dig me with that hot rod sound. Since I didn’t actually have glass pack mufflers there had to be another explanation why my car sounded this way.

     There was. I had blown the engine. I guess I didn’t technically blow it because my car was still starting and running. There was no smoke that I recall, just this sudden rumbling, popping engine noise. I was driving about feeling like I was all that for the rest of the week, watching heads turn as I rumbled pass, but then dad came off the road for his weekend home and heard me pull into the driveway that Friday night and he didn’t think things sound so cool.
     
     

Dad said we had to get the engine rebuilt and had my Ford  towed it to a garage in Gap, Pennsylvania where he knew some garage owner. I don’t really know the exact damage that was done to the motor, but it seemed at least one cylinder had to be bored out and this meant at least one piston had to be replaced. My car was marooned in the Gap Garage for a week. On the last day, my Dad and I were hanging around in that garage as they finished up.

      These guys and my father got along just fine. They were having a good old time, but I felt awkward and out of place. I hung back near a workbench, being quiet and watching. I didn’t understand the mechanical jargon that was tossed about and I wasn’t catching what the men sometimes chatted about. There were a lot of cuss words sprinkled through it. Sometimes they snickered or laughed, and it was usually a dirty laugh. Then I saw dad point toward me. Every last man looked over at me like I was a monkey about to do a dance.


      “My son’s pretty good at drawing,” dad said.

      “Yeah,” said one of them.

      “Yeah,” said dad.

      One of the guys said, “Let’s see.” He motioned to a piece of chalk lying on the workbench. “Go draw us a picture on that door,” he said.

      My dad nodded.

      I picked up the chalk and went to this designated door. “What’ll I draw?” I asked.

 This includes nudity.

     One of the men said, “A naked lady.”

     So I drew a life-sized naked woman on the back of the door. I thought it looked pretty  doggone good for a chalk drawing. Go ahead, give it a try, just a stick of chalk like teachers use to use on the blackboard and see how detailed you can get it.

     One of the men said, “Oh hell, boy, you call that a woman?” Some of the others laughed.

     He came over and took the chalk from me. He then scribbled this patch of public hair down in the smooth, empty crotch of my drawing.


      The men tossed the chalk back to me. “There now,” he said, brushing the dust off his fingers, “that’s a woman. Damn, boy where you been?” And all the other men were laughing as they went back to work.

     I was embarrassed. I felt I let my dad down. Nothing I ever did was good enough to make him proud. He was trying to show me off for once and they were laughing at me because I didn’t draw public hair on my sketch. Of course not, how the heck was I supposed to know women had hair down there? None of the women I had seen in any of those magazines had public hair. Even “Playboy” airbrushed it away, 




     I finally found some sources for seeing my first uncensored naked women. There was a day when everybody was out at the same time and I had the house to myself. Instead of pulling out one of my Girlie Magazines I went digging in dad’s old duffel for those pinups. Not sure why, I must have been feeling nostalgic or something. I dug deeper through the content than usual and discovered near the bottom a weathered, yellowing envelope containing photographs.

     They were from World War II and I guess dad took them. He was only in a couple himself. There were several of seaman posing or clowning around on the deck of a ship, including sailors having a drunken brawl. There were photos of bombed out buildings in sections of Bataan (right), as well as other war scenes, troops and ships.

     

     Then there were some shots of native peoples. There were two of a particular young South Pacific Islander girl. She was standing on a rock smiling toward the camera. It was similar to the photo on the left, except the girl was full length, alone and stark naked. There was no airbrushing here. I could see she had a triangle of dark pubic hair, just like that mechanic had scribbled on my drawing.

     In his later years my dad used to bring out that picture and show it around. After his death I search the house and went through all the hundreds of photographs my parents left behind, but never found that particular photo again, along with a few others I had once seen of their Saturday night friends in which some risqué behavior took place. Some time in his or my mother’s last year of life they must have destroyed those pictures.

     I did find a photograph in his wallet (right) of a woman whose face looked very much like the naked native girl. On the back was a date and place, May 1944, Stn. Craig, Manilla and written in a feminine handwriting beneath: “I hope you won’t forget! Candida Sanchez.”

     This certainly raises questions in my mind. Who was this Candida and what kind of relationship did she and my father have? Whomever this lady was, my father chose to carry her picture with him his whole life.





 

   

My second source for seeing a fully displayed naked woman, this time in full color,  was good old “Ratso Rizzo”  sleaze book stall at the Downingtown Farmers’ Market. Mixed in with the Swedish Soft Porn posers he had some “Sunshine & Health” magazines behind that curtain of his. I bought a couple.

     This was the magazine of the Naturalist Society, people who believed in nudism as a way of life. They did not retouch or airbrush photographs in their magazines. Here was where I finally confirmed what the female had down there. It was also a magazine I got little arousal from. The photos were mundane, people having picnics, playing games , volleyball or swimming. They were of all ages and all shapes and sizes, and certainly not very erotic. Nude people doing everyday activities quickly loses any sense of the exotic or sensual.Frankly, nudity becomes boring.

      It was a matter of not confusing “Sunshine & Health” with “Strength and Health”.

I had a collection of “Strength and Health” magazines. I bought a new issue every month when they hit the newsstand. Last year I came across a couple dozen of the “Strength and Health” magazines while cleaning out the storage closet. I chucked them in the trash. This probably means they were worth oodles of money to some collector somewhere. I hadn’t bought them as collector items nor did I buy them because of the “Beefcake” photos of musclemen. I bought them because I was trying to have a body like those guys.

      At age 16 I was tired of being skinny, just a walking set of bones. I had bought the Course of Manly Art books and exercise charts, but didn’t think I was progressing fast enough.  I talked my mother (as usual) into buying me a set of York Barbells and an exercise bench. (I just recently had 1-800-Got-Junk haul that set and bench away. )


   

     There was a barbell, two dumbbells and various weights you slid on and locked in place. I worked out with these off and on most of my life. The set came with some workout books written by Bob Hoffman, the President of York Barbell and the York Weightlifters Association.

     He was a champion weightlifter, but he didn’t have the usual bodybuilder look. He had a frame similar to mine or so I believed. He had a barrel chest. Here was someone I could more easily identify with than the  slim, short cover boys of S"strength and Health" with their six-packs and perfect pectorals. Bob Hoffman looked deeper through the chest and thicker in the middle, just like me.
     Although the picture on the right doesn’t seem to emphasize my barrel chest, remember I had started with a slim body and this was after I developed some muscle time. 



     

October of 1957 was when Topper died. I know I spoke of her death earlier. She was the dog I originally found in the fence line out at the swamp house when I was 8. She was a pretty German Shepherd and Collie mix, a very gentle dog. She was only seven or eight when she passed away. We had a pen out along the field for her. My dad buried her down in that field.

     (Photo left 1956 Ronald walking Topper.)

   

      I still had the older dog, the Toy Fox Terrier, Peppy who was about twelve or thirteen by then. Peppy was the house dog.


    


      I also covered some of this correspondence earlier as well, so forgive me for repeating myself. I was receiving some letters from Jeannette Siravo around the time Topper died that cheered me some. Here are excepts:


    “Thank you for the cartoons we both (Marilyn, her sister) got a good laugh from them.

     “You can tell Ronald Tipton that he can write to me but I want to hear from you more than two times a month alright (sic).”

      Ronald had asked if he could write to her. He was big on pen pals.

     She changed her mind about Ronald writing to her in her next letter.

     “Will you be kind enough to tell Ron that I won’t write to him because I don’t like to write to many boys? I will continue to write to you but that’s all.”

     

Richard Wilson had promised Marilyn (pictured left) he would write to her when we left Wildwood, but I don’t think he ever did. Instead he gave his brother Tom her address and tried to get Tom and Marilyn together. Tommy was a sneaky guy and he must have said things to try and make me look bad.

     “Marilyn got Tom’s letter Saturday (I read it first because Marilyn wasn’t home but don’t say anything about it in your next letter OK) Do you know what Tom said? He said that you liked a girl.”

     I didn’t have any girlfriend at that time. Tom was an instigator or maybe he was doing it for Richard. Richard couldn’t get over Jeannette preferring me over him.

     I had been to her house in Langhorne for a visit shortly before this letter.

     “You should have stayed longer or are you shy yet? I like both of your songs very much. Want to know something? Mother thinks you are very nice and also very thoughtful. Mother thinks Richard is too girl crazy especially when with another (meaning down at the beach).

      “Remember when a bunch of girls would go by and Rich would say, ‘Larry, they’re not boys, you know.’ (All he wanted to say was why won’t you let me alone then.) You would just say, ‘I know it.’ How thoughtless he (Richard) was even at the dance. That’s all he did was to kiss me all the time. I got pretty tired of it. All it was he had to have this dance.

     “Remember the last night we were together? Well, he made me cry a couple of times because I told him I liked you better than him.”

     I guess Richard was doing a little bit of lying himself. In another letter she wrote:

     “ Larry do you or Rich drive a car? I been wanting to find out for sure because Rich said that you didn’t drive.”

     Interesting, because it was exactly the other way around. I not only drove, but I had a working car, which was more than Richard had at that time. As previously noted, I was chauffeuring Richard here, there and everywhere.

     Over the course of the year Jeannette met some boys in Langhorne and she began dating one of them. By the next summer Wildwood became a memory for both Jeannette and I. She sent me her Senior picture a couple years later and that was the last I ever heard from her.





     I came home one weekend and heard mom and dad fighting. I had never heard them arguing before, except about me. They stopped when they saw me. Mom was crying; dad looked angry. 

     “You know your mother’s seeing another man?” he said to me

     No, I didn’t know anything about that. It was somebody she worked with at the Potato Chip factory. I still don’t know any details or how long her tryst went on.

     “She might be going off with him,” my dad was saying. “If you go live with him, are you going to call him dad?”

     I was stunned. I shook my head but said, "I guess I would have to."  Dad stormed out and mom fled to her bedroom.

     I don’t know what happened with that other man. There are mysterious entries in my mother’s diary for that year. In one entry she says she went out for the evening, but: “I was disappointed.”

     My father was in Virginia hauling tomatoes at the time. A few days later she wrote that my dad had come home and they had went out and talked. She ended with, “I have to make the biggest decision of my life.”  There was nothing else to explain these two entries, but it was around the time my father confronted me about that “other man”.

     My mom and dad never divorced or separated. I assume she dropped this guy and my parents simply made up. Maybe that was the “biggest decision” she had to make. It certainly rocked my world for a while. I really thought they were going to part and I was going to move into some other man’s house and have a stepfather. As much as my father and I had our differences, I really didn’t want to go live with somebody else and have to call them my father. 

    Where would I live if that happened? Would I have to change schools again? I thought about running away. I even thought about suicide. I was suffering a deep depression. I couldn’t even talk to my mother for a while after I heard this. I couldn’t tell my grandmother because I didn’t know what she knew. 


     I retreated more into my room at night and to my typewriter. I was living in two fantasy worlds most of the time now. Why not, either were better than my reality. I was doing poorly at school, I didn't see much prospect of having a girlfriend and my parents appeared about to break up. I did quickly rule out suicide because how would I do it? I didn’t want something that hurt. What if I botched it and left myself badly injured or crippled? I was always the pragmatic or perhaps I was a coward.

   

 By Christmas things had worked their way out. Mom and dad were acting like they always did. The thread of a breakup was over. Mom and I was able to have conversations as if that day had never happened. Now I could go back to brooding about my love life or lack thereof.  

     I made another deal with my mom about church. I was finding Sunday school hard to take. The teacher may have been a nice man and sincere in his belief, but he was no teacher. He was extremely difficult to listen to with his droning monotone and I found it hard to stay awake. I had enjoyed MYF at Downingtown and I decided to join it at Bethel. I told my mom I was going to go to the Methodist Youth Fellowship meetings on Sunday night instead of going to Sunday school. This decision let me sleep a little later on Sunday and I still had my alone time. It actually extended my alone time because I didn’t have to drive back from the church anymore.


I asked for a tape recorder for Christmas and I got one. It was a Belcor Reel to Reel. It  said portable on the side, but you needed a forklift to carry it.

MYF and my tape recorder were going to play a larger role in my life after the New Year’s. So was my doodling and sketching.

Jeannette of the Dimpled Eyes

In August of 1957 something happened that never had before. My parents took me along on their vacation trip. There had been a number of day trips during my youth. My mother and grandmother had taken me to the big department stores in Philadelphia every Christmas and to the city’s museums on my every birthday.

My folks drove me through Pennsylvania Dutch Country a few times over the years. It wasn’t overgrown with tourist traps yet. There was ONE Amish Homestead you could tour and learn about that sect, but mostly you rode around the beautiful farmland and saw the real Amish at work in the fields. Traffic wasn’t congesting Route 30 and the side roads. The only thing that slowed you up was an occasional horse and buggy clopping along.

There were only a couple of restaurants specializing in Pennsylvania Dutch menus where you could get some real Shoofly pie for desert. Miller’s Smorgasbord existed going back to 1929, but such now famous restaurants as Plain & Fancy and Good ‘n’ Plenty didn’t exist yet. We went on Saturdays. Nothing was open on Sunday, and still isn’t, out of respect for the Mennonite and Amish beliefs.

Of course today where you had open farm country you have strings of motels and restaurants, several homesteads giving tours, light shows and musical theater and a big amusement park called Dutch Wonderland. Once it was a land of unique people that drew your curiosity. Now merchants, cashing in on the Amish theme, have overrun the place with malls, outlet stores and phony tourist traps. They are driving the real Amish away.

There was the Strasburg Railroad in that area even back then. You could ride a steam train to Paradise and back. I was more comfortable with steam trains by the time I was sixteen, although I still gave the steam-hissing engines a wide berth.

Paradise wasn’t, but it did play well into all those suggestive names of Pennsylvania Dutch Country. You could always go from Bird in Hand to Intercourse, which lay between Blue Ball and Paradise, not far from Leacock and Lititz.

You know, that brings back something else I remember from Miss Hurlock’s class that I think she got a perverse pleasure out of it. It was a sexual reference that seemed out of place for the time and the place. We were reading some classic literary short story out loud in class and the author talked about his intercourse with a certain lady. Somebody giggled. Miss Turlock got this smirk on her face and said, “At that time intercourse meant correspondence and correspondence meant intercourse.” She sort of snickers when she said it.

At the time it was another of those things people said I didn’t understand, but it stuck in my mind until I did understand it and has never left.

My family took me to some amusement parks, such as Hershey, Dorney Park and Rocky Springs. Rocky Springs was my favorite. It wasn’t as large or splashy as Hershey or even Dorney Park, but much larger than Lenape. My grandfather took me there for the Downingtown Iron Works company picnic when he was still around. It was wonderful, one of the best days of my life. The gate attendants gave us little brown buttons to pin on our shirts as we entered. That pin meant we were with the Iron Works and it allowed us to ride all the rides as many times as we wished.

The ride I rode the most was The Whip. You sat in a car attached to a chain that wrapped about a center oval. The car whipped you around the corners at great speed (Pictured right).

They had a funhouse. It was the first one I ever saw where you rode through.  There was a penny arcade, too.

At the time Rocky Springs boasted the largest wooden roller coaster in the country. It was The Wildcat. When my parents took me to Rocky Springs a couple of times. My dad turned into a big kid at amusement parks. He was constantly harping on the roller coaster and why wouldn't I ride it. He ruined Rocky Springs for me by threatening to make me go on the huge Ferris wheel with him.

I had never been on an overnight trip with my parents, though, until that August, excluding the truck run I took with dad to Pittsburgh. We were going to Wildwood in New Jersey for a whole week. Not only were they taking me, Rich Wilson was invited along to keep me company.

My dad rented an apartment in one of those little boarding houses that fill the shore towns.

Rich and I had a room and my parents had a room. We hardly saw my folks except when we’d all have dinner in one of the eateries. Otherwise, they went their way and we went ours. We preferred it that way. We were usually up early and back late.

Rich and I would head out to the Boardwalk by midmorning, and then we would go and spend an afternoon on the beach or in the ocean. Rich would fling his shirt off as soon as we hit the sand. He wore a tight fitting swimsuit, something like a brief. I generally kept my shirt on, except when I went into the water. I wore boxer-style, less revealing swim trunks.

The first day on the beach Rich excused himself. He came back a few minutes later with two girls on his arms. They were the Siravo Sisters, Jeannette and Marilyn. Jeannette was the older and the one Rich had chatted up. Marilyn, the younger sister, tagged along. (In the photo with me is Marilyn on the left and Jeannette on the right, closest to me.)

We passed a good bit of our time that week with Jeannette and Marilyn. We met them on the beach every day and then after dinner we spent the evenings on the Boardwalk with them. We went to the amusement piers, played the games of chance or just walked in the moonlight holding hands.  As it happened, much to my surprise and delight, Jeannette preferred me to Richard so she became my girl for the week. Unfortunately, Rich wouldn’t accept her choice. He wasn’t use to girl’s rejecting his advances and he kept pushing himself upon her. She wrote about it later:

“How thoughtless he was, even at the dance that’s all he did was to kiss me all the time. I got pretty tired of it. All it was he had to have this dance. Remember the last night we were together, well, he made me cry a couple of times because I told him I liked you better than him.”

Dick Clark held one of his record hops in Wildwood at the Starlight Ballroom, which was the dance Jeannette was referring to. We took  the girls for a night of dancing. As we walked in Ballroom we were given these small autographed photos, sort of like Baseball Bubblegum Cards, one of Dick Clark and one of Pat Boone. I’m not sure why Pat Boone, he didn’t appear at the dance. Dick Clark always had a couple guest stars appear and perform at his dances. I say perform, but they only lip-synced to their recording. I don’t know whom he had that night. They were a couple of wanna-bes who later became never-weres.

What I remember most was dancing cheek to cheek with Jeannette, smelling her perfume and almost winning the Spotlight Dance. That was a feature of Clark’s hops. Everyone would dance and a spotlight swept the floor. If it came to a stop upon you, you had to leave the floor. The last couple remaining won some kind of prize. Jeannette and I came in third, which was as good as last since we got nothing. It was still fun to last that long.

I really liked Jeannette. She was very cute, especially when she smiled and these little dimples formed beneath her brown eyes. She did not like her dimples for some reason, but I guess my words to her about them began to change her opinion. In one of the letters she wrote me, she said:

“I’m beginning to like my dimples, but do they have to be in such a place?”

After the vacation we corresponded by mail for the next year. I even visited her in Langhorne where she lived. My parents were not so happy about this puppy love. After all, Jeannette was not only an Italian, but a Roman Catholic.

For some reason Ronald asked if he could write to her. Ronald was very big on Pen Pals, so I assume he wanted to add her to his collection. However, what he wrote her was a bit convoluted and not very well put:

“Larry’s is always raving and ranting about you. What is so attractive about you anyway?” (I don’t think he meant it in the way it sounds.)

“You can also tell me what happen (sic) in the park one nite when you and Larry, a couple of friends, were there one nite this past summer. He also said something that happen (sic) at school having something to do about biology room or teacher. I don’t know exactly what the circumstances were. I hope you understand what I’m talking about because I don’t!”

Well, I don’t know what he was talking about either and neither did Jeannette, but she did say she wasn’t going to write to Ronald anymore.

He finished up his letter by trying to get her to be a Pen Pal with some girl living in Brooklyn. Jeannette rejected that idea, too.

After a year or so it dissolved into just another summer romance memory for each of us. I wonder where she is today? I hope she had a nice life.

TO J.S.: ONCE OF LANGHORNE AND WILDWOOD

Gusty strokes of wind

Bring thoughts to mind,

Things that might have been.

            Whom do I mean?

            Her name was Jean.

Sunshine through the storm

Takes me from one dream

To find I dream of

Another sea scene.

Thinking you loved me.

Your Roman face and

Dimpled eyes I see

            On the beach we met.

            Your name was Jeannette.

No ghost or shadow

Will make this less true;

Yes, she was the first

Back when I was new.

            Whom do I mean?

            Her name was Jean.

                                                1958

That was the one and only vacation trip I ever shared with my parents.

The car gave me the freedom to do other activities. My friends and I took up bowling, which had become a big fad around that time. A decade earlier Bowling Alley were considered somewhat less than respectable places, on the same level as pool halls. They were places for hard men and course behavior. Now bowling alleys were springing up all over the place, large brightly lit caverns with snack bars and groups of young people tossing balls down the alleys.
There was also the appearing of a number of miniature golfing ranges. The best of the lot was just outside of Reading. It wasn’t the usual flat, side-boarded holes with windmill and clown obstacles. It was build up, over and around these rocks and it had waterfalls and sand traps, rather than those mechanical devises.

The other thing we got into was roller-skating. There was a skating rink in Exton we went to a lot. Sometimes they held sock hops there and we went to those as well. There was another skating rink in Berwyn that also held Saturday Night sock hops. We did both there, too, skate and dance. Dick Clark hosted some of the sock hops at Berwyn. Clark got around; he had his hops at Sunnybrook Ballroom in Pottstown, at the Starlight in Wildwood and at the Berwyn Skating Rink. He probably had others as well. I remember one of his musical acts at Berwyn, Danny and the Juniors (pictured left). Their recording of “At the Hop” was moving up the charts at the time. 
The bowling, miniature golf, roller skating and sock hops continued over the remaining years of my teens. I went to these sometimes with my various buddies and sometimes on a date with different girls. Helen Semibold and I had partied way by the summer of 1957. I was dating a girl from my church for awhile, and I thing Anne Schantz (right) was the first one I attended a sock hop with.

Ronald and I bowled often; I think Stuart joined us. Ronald may have gone miniature golfing with me. I think Ronald and I use to go to this Chip ‘n’ Putt south of West Chester along Route 202. It was a nice facility. Chip ‘n’ Putts had eighteen holes, but short fairways. You only used two clubs to play, a chipping iron and a putter, thus the name.

We would ride out to the course and after play, stop at Jimmy John’s for hot dogs and fries. Jimmy John’s had been built in 1940, two years later than Dick Thomas’s Brick Over. There were pictures on the walls of the original Jimmy John with celebrities. I remember Tom Mix in those photos. The restaurant also had these electric trains that ran along shelves on the walls and on a platform in the center.

In 2010 Jimmy Johns was going to have a big 70^th Anniversary celebration. They had hired Duff Goldman to do the cake on his TV show “Ace of Cakes”. On the eve of the celebration there was a fire in the kitchen and the restaurant burned down. Duff donated the cake to the firemen who put out the flames. Happily, they were able to rebuild and Jimmy Johns is in business still today.

My mother took a job with Valley Maid Potato Chips in Phoenixville. You will find many people who agree that Valley Maid made the best potato chips ever. My mom liked working there except when they put her on the barbecue chip line. The seasonings played havoc with her lungs and she picked up a cough from the process.

The problem with my mom going to work was now my Grandmother was there all the time. She didn’t drive and with my mom working their frequent visiting came to an abrupt stop. On Saturday nights when my parents went on those toots with their pals my grandmother was home with me. Granted, I was often out on those nights too, either driving to Downingtown to see Ronald or going up the road to Richard’s. Still, I craved some alone time.

I got some alone time in October, when my grandmother had a heart attack on the 16^th. I guess all the activity and stress after my grandfather died finally caught up to her. She had been through a lot, having to sell all her furniture and household goods and then moving in with us. She remained in the hospital until November 10. You can see she looked well by Christmas. She was 59 years old.

A partial solution to getting some alone time came from church. I had stewed about going to church every Sunday with the family since we moved to Bucktown. When I got the car, I made a deal with them. I would go to Sunday School, but not church. Sunday School was first, so I would drive to it and come home while they attended church service.

Sunday School was incredibly boring. Our teacher was a man with a monotone way of speaking. It was worth it to me enduring this torture because it gave me an hour with no one else in the house. That gave me enough time to get out my stash of naughty magazines and bring my fantasies to a conclusion before they came home.

In may have been an omen that what I was doing wasn’t right with God the first Sunday this bargain began. I had just gotten home and was digging in my treasure trove when there was a knock at the front door. It had to be a stranger. I went out to see and there were two ladies standing on the porch. I opened the door.

It cost me a dollar to buy the Jehovah Witness book called, “From Paradise Lost to Paradise Gained” just to get rid of them. Once they left I tossed their orange book aside for another of quite ungodly content and sought to gain my own temporary paradise.