Part Four: Follow the Golden Years Road of the Last

                       

nce upon a time, a not so young man was swept away by the sudden swirl of events into the Land of the Last.

There he was sent on a quest to find the Magical Nursing Home that would rescue his mother from the evil witches of Sunset City. It was to seem a daunting task, but he had a plan for following the Golden Years Road, although after a while it seemed more a maze of dead ends.

There were in this particular county 24 such places sometimes called Skilled Nursing Centers and sometimes called Long Term Residences. It would seem a lot of choices, but not so much for a poor boy.

Although it was not strictly a matter of cost, that certainly played some minor part. Throwing aside the Veteran's Administration Facilities, of which there were two, neither ranking well on the Medicare 5-Star Ranking System (1 Star for each or much below average), the average yearly cost for a home was $8,219 a month for a semi-private room (slightly more for a private room at $9,223 a month). These ranged from a high of $14,752 a month (a place that rated 4-Stars or Above Average) to a low of $5,627 a month (and a rating of 1-Star or Much below Average).  Cost did not always correlate with the ranking. A home that charged $9,794 a month, the sixth highest, only received 2-Stars or Below Average, while the second cheapest (not counting the VA Homes) at $7,300 a month got 4-Stars or Above Average.

The place where the not-so-young man's mother was imprisoned ranked eleventh in cost, about the middle of the pack, at $9,277 a month, but was one of only two in the county to receive but 1-Star, or Much below Average.

Do you see why he needed to rescue her?

If cost was not a real criteria, the fact his parents had no real resources was. They would have to go into a home under Medical Assistance or not at all, and not every home accepted Medicaid. He could eliminate eight immediately for this reason.

Of course, Sunset City was where his mother lay, so it was subtracted from the mix. So could one home because his mother had insisted from the beginning he must stay away from there, although he never understood why since several people recommended it and the home had a 4-Star rating. Also eliminated was one of the two VA facilities, because his dad said he never wanted to go there.

That left 14 facilities that would accept Medicaid.

The Not-so-young Man eliminated three as being tucked away in a bewitched far corner of the county. They would be places of last resort.

He then contacted the remaining 11 Skilled Nursing Facilities and it began to seem to no avail. He toured four and was placed on the waiting list at three (these included Mushmouth Manor). He did not apply at the fourth because it was the only one in the county to require an application fee. The fee was $250 and since he was now applying for both parents (explanation will be in following posts) that would have cost $500 just to risk being rejected, another last resort home.

He learned from another source that his parents would never get accepted by Mushmouth Manor with their lack of money, confirming his earlier impression of the place.

He was advised at the first home he contacted that he should put them on at least four waiting lists and if one offered a bed to snatch it up. "Demand is high," the lady said, "and everyone has long waiting lists." This was proving true as he searched on.

Two quickly let him know they would not take his parents, one or the other, and the remaining five were not returning his calls (including the one VA facility he had contacted) and as time passed it seemed they never would.

He had reached out even beyond that county, but it was going the same elsewhere. He even went back to PassingGo Home, begging them to reconsider since they did accept Medicaid and that was now what his folks were applying under.

And just when it seemed his plight could not get more desperate, it did. His mother's insurance company dropped her coverage.

Indeed, he wasn't in Kansas anymore.



(Photo on left is from the 1925 silent version of The Wizard of Oz, co-wrote and directed by Larry Semon, who also stared as the Scarecrow [he is on the left]. The Tin Man in the middle is Oliver Hardy, who gained much greater fame later when partnered with Stan Laurel. The actor on the right is O. Howe Black [you read it right], who not too surprisingly was cast as the Cowardly Lion.)

Part Two: In the Land of PassingGo

Ever since the subject of a Nursing Home reared its ugly roof, I was hearing Mushmouth Manor. It was becoming pretty apparent that wasn't going to happen.

But somehow around this time a new mantra appeared, PassingGo Home. I can't remember who said it first, I just remember I got asked about it and told it was nice. Mom's Speech Therapist also spoke about it to her.

Why an employee of one Nursing Home would bring up another I don't know for sure. My guess is it was an indirect comment and came about from some casual conversation. My mother one time years ago worked for the Valley Maid Potato Chip Company. They really made the best chips around, but eventually they were acquired by Bachman and after that the chips were so-so. One of mom's fellow workers who she had befriended was now a resident in PassingGo Home. Apparently, the Speech Therapist had some business at that Home and when mother mentioned this lady's name told her the woman was in PassingGo.

Now my mother was fixated on that place.

I decided to visit PassingGo next time I went to visit mom. I skipped dad that day and went early, going what I considered a more direct route. It was at least one that took you to PassingGo -- eventually. It twisted and turned about the fields above This City, where my mom was, and I was almost certain I was lost when it popped into vision ahead. A tall building with a curvaceous parking lot and long path up to the front doors.

I went to the receptionist and told her I wanted to get some information about the place.

"Do you have an appointment?" she asked.

"No."

"You should have called and made an appointment," she snapped.

She picked up the phone and called someone. She hung up and pointed me down a hallway.

"Go to the third door on the left and see Maude."

I did as I was told. I came to the third door, which was half open and I saw a couple women inside. One was a somewhat stocky lady with a stern face. Turned out this was Maude, the Admissions Director.

I began to tell my tale of woe when she abruptly stopped me. She took me to meet Madeline Mild, her assistant. Madeline was very sweet. An older lady with a gentle voice. She gave me the ten-dollar tour and then we sat while she showed me the admittance form to be filled out and returned. As we parted she asked me to send her a copy of my mother's insurance cards so they could see if it was acceptable. I said I would.

I then went back to This City and visited mother. At least I could tell her I was at PassingGo.

From that moment on I was to hear PassingGo every visit and then within emails from her friends. I had to get her into PassingGo. When would we hear from PassingGo? How much longer until she went to PassingGo?

But as usual these things took time. I emailed a copy of her insurance card to Madeline Mild the very night of my visit. I waited a week and heard nothing. I called her on the phone. It was her day off, she wasn't there. I called the next day. No, she never got the email. She had been out, she said, and perhaps someone else got it and didn't know what it was. Could I send it again?

I sent it again and then called her again. She was not there; she had left for the day. It was very difficult to establish when this lady actually worked. Finally I got ahold of her and yes she had received the email. She had forwarded the copy of the Insurance Card to the business office. We would have to wait until the business office found out if they accepted that insurance.

I waited a week and called Madeline Mild again.  Gloryoski, she was in, but she didn't have the answer. This time the Business Manager had been gone, all week on vacation. She had just returned and Madeline Mild didn't want to bother her until she got caught up. So I waited some more.

After another week I finally got my answer. Sorry, but PassingGo Home would not accept that insurance. Do not pass GO; do not collect your mother and try to bring her here. Go directly to jail in Sunset City.

I now began a search in earnest. I looked first at the sheet the This City Hospital Social Worker had originally given me and saw I could have saved myself a lot of time and trouble. PassingGo Home was one of those crossed out because it didn't take my mom's insurance.

But even so, my mom and her friends kept up the chants for PassingGo Home as if constantly repeating its name would overcome reality.

As it were, I wasn't quite completely done with the place, but the rest of that story will come later. I had a lot of other stops in-between this end and that end.

TO BE CONTINUED

In the Land of the Last Stand, Part One

My mother's directive: "Larry, get me out of here," sent me on a quest for an open door somewhere. A month and a half later I felt I had gone about things backward. I should have dug deeper into my mother's purse and discovered it full of moths and looked to the financial future first, but I've had professionals tell me I did things right.

Anyway, I began by looking for a better "Home".

I began with the obvious, another visit to Mushmouth Manor, the place my mother pined for, though only she and God know why.

This time I called and made a set appointment. I also now knew exactly how to get there, thus I arrived at its doorstep over a half-hour early. I almost hate showing up early as much as showing up late, and I really hate showing up late. Showing up late is rude and inconsiderate. It inconveniences other people and it says to them, "My time is more important than your time." When I worked in the corporate world there were managers who came late to every meeting for that very reason, just to show they were somehow the more important person.

So I went a bit out of the way, stopped at a drugstore and bought a soda. I then went on to Mushmouth Manor where I parked in the back lot and drank the drink. Around five until the hour I ambled in and presented myself at the reception desk. The receptionist told me Ms Fingerrub would be right with me and please have a seat.

Mushmouth Manor had a large lobby, like a medium hotel, unlike Sunset City's modest entry with a table and one sofa. Mushmouth Manor had many sofas and chairs and tables and vases of flowers.

In the back, where the people were stored, it was not distinguishable from Sunset City at all. Long hallways lined with ancient citizens in wheelchairs or shuffling along with the aid of walkers. Every home was equipped with poor souls sitting still along some wall, hands folded in lap, back bent like a question mark and head down. It was as if you could order these people off Amazon.com for the singular purpose of decorating your nursing home hall.

I had downloaded two copies of Mushmouth's application and filled one out for each of my parents. After the tour I presented these, and was told there was a waiting list. My father might get in quicker than mom, but there was a wee bitty problem. Because of my mom's current condition she would qualify for Medicaid, but my father would not. He would have to come in as Private Pay (which would run around $9,000 a month), unless he might be eligible for veteran's benefits.

She gave me a business card. "This is our Veteran's expert. Call him and he will help you with your dad's benefits."

We bid good day (which was in reality goodbye) and I left with the same feeling I had the first time, Mushmouth Manor primary interest was dough-re-me. Some weeks later, an Elder Lawyer told me my parent's would not get into Mushmouth Manor with their bank account, confirming my initial gut reaction.

Many weeks and much aggravation later I was told a tale by a close friend of my parents, one of the coterie that had been looking after dad since mom was struck down. One whose husband was one of the most vocal about the indiscretions of Sunset City.

"I went through this with my father," she began. "He fell and broke his him and went into to Mushmouth Manor. Oh, what a terrible place. I came to visit and it was meal time. I don't know what was on his plate. It was a mess, pardon me, but it looked like dog dirt. I said, 'He can't eat that,' and the person told me, 'He can have a hot dog instead if he doesn't want that'.

"And while we were there I heard his roommate say something from the bathroom. He had been in the bathroom when we arrived. I asked, 'Do you need help?'

"'Yes, he said. I've been waiting in here for over an hour for someone to help me, but no one's come.'

"So, I got the man back to his bed and I went out to the nurse's station and told them, 'Have my dad packed and prepared to leave at 1:00 tomorrow. We're taking him out of here.'

"They said he needed a Doctor's permission and this and that. 'No,' I said, 'we're taking him out of here tomorrow.' I came the next day at 1:00 and he was prepared to go and we left."

I thought, why didn't you tell that story to my mother. Maybe she would have stopped yammering at me about the Great and Wonderful Mushmouth Manor. By the lady told me this story it didn't matter anymore.

In the time between my second visit to Mushmouth Manor and this lady's tale of woe, my mother had picked up a new mantra, PassingGo Homes.

It was mainly my own fault.

TO BE CONTINUED