I couldn’t read the temperature. The drainpipe leaked and a giant icicle hung from roof to ground hiding the thermometer on the wall. It was cold. The pond was frozen solid behind the house. I was able to walk across the ice. I wondered where the snakes went.
I had a snake last summer that I carried on a stick, but I lost it under the porch. I guess at winter snakes borough far into the earth where it’s hot. Uncle Les said the Devil was once a snake and Hell is underground.
Mom didn’t like snakes. “Don’t you bring that in the house. Get rid of it.”
It fell off the stick and crawled under where I couldn’t get it.
There were spiders under the deck then and even now. I looked for frozen spider webs in the weeds by the pond. It would be great to own a frozen spider web. But there weren’t any, so I slid for a while on the pond.
There was a frozen lake near my school. Skaters made crisscrossing lines across it. My pond was smooth. I pretended I had skates. I imagined races on my pond and I won every time. There was snow from last night across the ice and my boots left marks, just like the skaters did, except mine were very broad.
I got tired of make-believe racing when I couldn’t think of any more names to give my opponents.
I looked across the yard. Snow covered everything. I saw my footprints from the house to the pond. There was no traffic down on the highway. It was quiet. The sky was all ready dark and suddenly the colored lights Uncle Les tacked around the door came on and the snow was pretty.
My father was a trucker. He was on the road all week and mom couldn’t drive so I hadn’t seen any Christmas displays. Across the field at the forest edge were two houses that put up decorations. One had a light behind the glass in every window, all red. Last weekend before dad left I asked, “Are there more lights like that?”
Daddy was reading the paper.
“Derrick asked you a question, “ said mom.
“What?” Dad lowered the paper.
“Derrick asked a quest…”
“What is it?”
“Are there more lights?” I asked again.
“”Lights? What kind of lights?”
“Red, like that house across the way.”
“Christmas lights,” said mom.
“Yeah,” said dad. “All the towns string lights.”
I wanted to see, but he couldn’t take me. He had to leave for work. He would be back by Christmas Eve. “Why don’t you get Les to take the boy,” he snapped.
“Not now,” mom said, “it’s Christmas.”
“Not yet,” he said as he pulled on his jacket.
After dad left, Uncle Les stopped by the next day to visit. Uncle Les strung the lights around the door while he was there.
“Did you ever see Santa Claus?” I asked Uncle Les.
“Sure. He’s in the mall.”
“I mean on Christmas Eve, when he comes.”
“No one sees Santa Claus on Christmas Eve. But I heard him once.”
“When?”
“When I was about your age. We’d been shopping, the whole family. It was Christmas Eve and it snowed hard. We got stuck comin’ home. The roads were even worse in those days. We almost got home, got right up to the lane when we got bogged down. Mom, your daddy’s and my mom, your grandmom, had gone up the lane to start the furnace and make some coco. Your dad and I got out of the car and tried to push, but we didn’t get far. We were too little, see, and kept falling down. Finally we just gave up and started walking toward the house. Then I started running and shouting at the top of my lungs. “What is that? What is that?”
Your dad started running after me. “What’s what?”
“Don’t you hear them,” I yelled.
“He didn’t, but I did, jingle bells and a whooshing sound in the sky.”
“I like you, Uncle Les,” I said. I gave him a hug. “Dad never tells me stories ‘bout being a kid.”
“Well, I…”
“Sometimes I wish…” But I stopped.
Uncle Les looked at his watch and got up. “I guess I best be goin’ before the roads get worse.” He kissed mom on the cheek.
“Be careful,” she said as he left.
She stood at the window and watched his car out the lane and down the road.
“You come in now,” shouted mom. She glowed in Uncle Les’ Christmas lights as she stood in the open doorway. “Supper’s ready.”
I went in. It was snowing again. My tracks were disappearing. It fell on the lights, but the light shown through. I ate by the window and watched the storm. The house was cozy. Mom had the radio on and a chorus was singing carols. When supper ended, I got the Christmas cards and played postman. The windows were the houses.
Dad got home late. I was all ready in bed. I heard him come home ‘cause I was awake listening for Santa Claus. I listened because Uncle Les said you could hear him.
“You’re late,” said mom.
“Damn snow got the roads tied up,” he said.
“You okay?”
“Yeah.”
“I was afraid you wouldn’t get here.” She said.
“Why?”
“What would I tell him?”
“Tell him the truth for Christ sake. He’s gotta know the world for what it is sooner or later.”
“He’s only a child.”
“I was too once, you know. So what? The old man died and suddenly I weren’t no kid anymore. He’s too old for all this damn fairy-tale crap.”
I was listening for Santa Claus, but daddy was loud. He was stomping up the stairs.
“Harry, don’t,” said mom. “Not now.”
“Why not? Now’s as good as ever.”
I thought I heard something outside before daddy opened my door, but I don’t know because daddy was talking at the same time and afterward all I heard was mom crying.
Mom turned the colored lights off and the snow outside disappeared in the dark. I shut my eyes and dreamt of snakes. When I woke I decided snakes went south for the winter with the birds.
When I came downstairs Uncle Les and my mom were waiting for me, but dad was gone. Then I thought, it’s Christmas, and I got my wish, so why was I crying.
Written in 1963
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